I fancy I'll open a stationers, stock quaint notepads for weekend pagans
While you were out at the Rollright stones, I came and set fire to your shed
'Cos you probably work at an all night garage
You probably work at an all night garage
You probably work at an all night garage with talk radio on.
And you curse my soul if I don't want petrol
Curse my soul 'cos I don't want petrol
I only came down for a tube of Pringles, sour cream and chives.
And because you've got to get up off your fat arse to go and get my crisps
And you've got to go 'round the counter and it's really inconvenient
I'll have two scotch eggs and a jar of Marmite
Two scotch eggs and a jar of Marmite
Two scotch eggs and a jar of Marmite, what sandwiches have you got?
Well now you become quite irate and your voice becomes louder
And you start to sound like Leadbelly at the depot.
I'll have ten Kit-Kat's and a motoring atlas
Ten Kit-Kat's and a motoring atlas
And a blue CD on the Hallmark label - that's sure to be good.
Oh he went to play golf of a Sunday morn just a mile and a half from town
His head was found on the driving range and his body has never been found.