I hope you mash your finger, I hope you catch on fire
Your nose grows like Giopetto's little wooden liar
I hope it's raining cats and dogs when you go outside
I hope your car runs out of gas and you ain't got a ride
But please don't think I'm bitter or I bear you ill will
I'd just like to be there when you take your bitter pill
May your ground be rocky, may your ground be hard to hoe
May I be around to watch you reap just what you sow
I hope your boyfriend's wife, finds out about you two
I hope this little note I wrote, provides her with a clue
I do hope the IRS audits all your books
And they put you in the hoosegow with all them other crooks
So what if I am bitter, honey what did you expect
You're lucky I don't hunt you down and wring your scrawny neck
I hope you're feeling guilty for treating me this way
Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and have a real nice day
Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and have a real nice day!