I'm the man that you need on the day that it rains
I'm the wiser advisor on capital gains
I'm the lowlife pretending to look at your drains
I'm a bogus official - don't let me in.
I'm the police, I'm the clergy, I'm measures and weights
I'm the chap doing the survey on alley gates
I need to know where you'll be on the following dates
'Cos I'm a bogus official - nice dress.
Courteous, friendly, jolly and fat
With a smile saying "look, I know it's under the mat"
I don't give a fuck about your missing cat