Baby close your eyes
and hear the words I say
Oh I realize
That you're in a lot of pain
and I apologize
I never wanted it this way,
Please don't cry
Baby I sold your dog on eBay
We both knew that we had bills to pay
It was either him or my PlayStation 2
which doesn't even eat food
and will never ever pee on the duvet
One day I came home
and that dog had escaped
he forsook his bone
and instead he ate
everything I own
from the couch to the drapes
I called you on the phone
And said "I'm selling him on eBay
We both know that we've got bills to pay
He peed on season 2 of Deep Space 9
That's crossing the line
I'm listing the auction today"
I put him in a box with some Styrofoam peanuts
a bag of kibble and a couple of milk bones
the guy online paid for overnight shipping
so the very next day he was in Buffalo
Oh, please don't cry,
Oh, please don't cry,
Baby, please don't cry,
Goddammit, stop crying.
He is an ugly dog
like a ball of walking fuzz
and he poops constantly
more than any other dog does
but we won't have to worry
about it anymore because
please listen to me
Yeah I sold him on eBay
we both knew that we had bills to pay
I got a hundred fifty dollars for
that mutt that peed all over my floor
and I know they'll be hell to pay
Yeah we had bills to pay
so I sold her dog on eBay
I told her "you have got to understand it
yeah, he could sit
but he absolutely couldn't stay.
yeah, he could sit
but he absolutely couldn't stay."