I often think back to so many years ago
When the garden of our love had grown thin
You dumped me and slapped me and threw insults at me
Much to my chagrin
‘Twas a nasty breakup, hard feelings all around
And to add to my pain within,
You blocked me and mocked me and out of pictures you cropped me
But your parents still like me, so I win
You know you played with my heart for a real long time
The damage there is done
You crushed my soul you didn’t leave me whole
And then just for fun
You sold my credit card on the Internet
and taught my parrot to swear
You slashed my tires and keyed my car
And you poured hot sauce in my underwear
It’s petty, I know, to play this game
I’m not fighting fair it’s true
But all’s fair in love and war and this was love so therefore
If you play by the rules you lose
I tell you now, though my pride is marred
My self esteem in a tailspin
I still get your family’s Christmas card
And your parents still like me, so I win
You see your dad calls me every Tuesday evening, now to trade
barbeque recipes
I'm the president of your Mama's book club now
This month we're reading War and Peace
And I helped them balance their checkbook, too
Got their finances consolidated
And I play cribbage at the deli with your grandma, now
But that's, um, unrelated
Life’s been tough, I will admit
Since we have bid adieu
You have my heart on a string
And you have one of my kidneys too.
But my friends will always have my back and
you are my friends’ next of kin
So try as you might to derail my delight
Your parents still like me, so I win