Oh officer~
I kicked that child in self-defense
Oh officer~
He was alone in Walmart Fair game?
It really wasn't necessary
To kick me out of the library
What are orphans for if not to
Ridicule and possibly maim
I promise this has only happened once
Don't listen to that man, I didn't kill his son!
Okay, I get why I'm banned from Disneyland
But in my defense it wasn't planned
I'm at least sixty percent sure he had a knife
Clearly he was a threat to my life
Outro
Oh officer~
Oh officer~
Won't you please let me out of this cell?