Key: E
Introduction: Em Dm C G
G C G(Dºne
I used to be a dead guy
G C G(dºne
Now I'm a fuckin' Jedi
Em D
And I've got lots of news for you
Em D C
And I've got a long list of things to do
G C G(Dºne
I used to dwell on the present
G C G(Dºne
I used to be so Hesitant
Em D
But now I've got my whole life to live
Cm(staccatº)
And I've got all my love to give to all you fuckers that I hayayate
G C G
It's like the Gift of the Magi
G C G
It's like the Gift of the Magi 2!
Em D
You sold your soul to buy some tits
Em D
I sold my soul to grow a diiiiiiick
G C G
We've gotta get him in the van
G C G
What if he resists?
Em D
Kick him in the back of the fuckin' head
Em D
Put him in the back of the fuckin' Vayayayan
G C G
It's a miracle of science,
G C G
This portrayal of violence
Em D
It lives inside us all
Em D
it lives inside our hearts
Am Cm(staccatº)
Just like a stupid fucking tape wooooorm
Play into
G C G
The husband divorced his wife
G C G
after she cut her hair
Em D
because she was way less fuckable
Em D
And that's just unforgiveable
G C G
Moved into a condo
G C G
and hung out by the POOOL
Em D
He never wore a bathing suit
Em D
Because he wanted scope out the talent
G C G
If god doesn't like ugly
G C G
He does't like anybody
Em D
Fuck god anyway
Em D
He's osbsolete
Am Cm(staccatº)
My god thinks my jokes are funny
Intro
C Am
I am white and I've got everything I need.
F G C
No one clutches their purse when they're in a room alone with me
Am
and I can drive through any neighborhood I please
F G C
at any hour and the police don't do a thing.
F G Am
So if I see a penny on the ground,
F G Am
I leave it alone or fucking flip it.
F G Am
I'm a straight white male in America.
F G C
I've got all the luck I need.
C Am
I'm a guy getting paid more than a girl with a degree
F G C
and I can walk down the street at night and no one wants to rape me.
Am
And I can get a girl pregnant and just as easily flee.
F G C
Just like my straight, white male dad did to me.
F G Am
So if I see a penny on the ground,
F G Am
I leave it alone or fucking flip it.
F G Am
I'm a straight white male in America.
F G C
I've got all the luck I need.
F C
I've got a pile of broken mirrors and I'm walking under ladders
G Am
and I'll spill a ton of salt because to me that doesn't matter.
F C
Cus my skin and my gender and my orientation
G Am
are the best things to have when you live in this nation.
F C G
I recommend it highly.
F G Am
So if I see a penny on the ground,
F G Am
I leave it alone or fucking flip it.
F G Am
I'm a straight white male in America.
F G C
I've got all the luck I need.
F G Am
Shit's gonna work out for me.
F G Am
I'm a straight white male in America.
F G C
I've got all the luck I need.
BackPack
F Am C Am
Verse
F Am C G F Am C Am(Repeat
You were dead by the time that I had found you.
Your blood was spilled on the couch where we had first kissed.
F G F Am G
And I don't know what they did to your face.
F G
And I don't like it.
Interlude
F G
Verse
You lived large till the day they finally caught you.
F Am C Am
Ending
F Am C G F Am C
You were dead by the time that I had found you.
Distance
B Gm
The first month after you left I drank and jerked off till I slept.
E Fm B
I went to work when I had to then came home.
Gm
I fed the dog when I had to. I fed myself when I had to.
E Fm B
I went out of town when I had to. And then came home.
E Fm
And I know this won't last forever
B Gm E
but god dammit it feels like forever since we've been together,
Em
till we'll be together again.
intro
B Gm
Second month after you left I still felt real depressed
E Fm B
but I've got plenty of other things to spend my time on.
Gm
I hate whiny, fucking songs like this but I can't afford a therapist.
E Fm B
Sorry guys, here's a solo.
E Fm B Gm
And it's harder