Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Whilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlagel
There's nothin' Nieizsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill of his own free will