Well I heard that you're leaving, gonna leave me far behind,
'Cause you found a brand new lover, you decided that I'm not your kind.
So I pulled your name out of my Rolladex,
And I tore all your pictures in two,
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go,
Just because it reminds me of you
That's right, you ain't gonna see me crying,
I'm glad that you found somebody new,
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass,
Than spend one more minute with you.
I guess I may seem kinda bitter,
You got me feeling down in the dumps,
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love,
And I have to use the self-service pumps
Oh so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred-thousand paper cuts on my face,
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,
Again, and again, and again, and again, and again
Oh can't you what I'm trying to say, darlin'
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leaches
Shove an ice-pick under a toe nail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station, with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you
Yes, I'd rather dive naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy-Glue
I'd rather dive in a swimming pool filled with
Double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands
And throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die
Than spend one more minute with you