I woke up this morning, and what to my surprise
I opened up the paper just to read of my demise
There it was in bold-faced type, my body had been found
Come to think of it, I have been feeling just a bit run-down
But I'm not dead
No I'm not quite gone yet
Don't trust everything you hear
And half of what you've read
'Cause I'm alive
And I'm feeling fine
And I don't think that I'll go before my time
My mother called to sympathize with my now-widowed wife
And tell her that she'd try to help her get on with her life
When she heard the news that I was living after all
she said thank goodness - now please have him give his mom a call
But I'm not dead
No I'm not quite gone yet
Wouldn't I be something
With a hole right through my head
'Cause I'm alive
And I'm feeling fine
And I don't think that I'll go before my time
I've been living carefully, and try to watch my back
Ever since that headline nearly gave me cardiac
The irony would be too much, don't want to take that chance
And I don't want people saying that they heard it in advance
But I'm not dead
No I'm not quite gone yet
The mafia, they tracked me down
And pumped me full of lead
But I'm alive
And I'm feeling fine
And I don't think that I'll go before my time
No I'm not dead
No I'm not quite gone yet
Don't trust everything you hear
And half of what you've read
'Cause I'm alive
And I'm feeling fine
And I don't think that I'll go before my time
And I don't think that I'll go before my time