(Kate) When I was a girl, just a little girl
I couldn't wait 'til I became a woman
And I could grow a thatch of curls
A deep, dark forest to keep me warm in this cold world
Days became weeks, weeks became months
Months turned to years and it was like magic
It grew and grew, the greatest bush
That the kingdom ever knew
But at the turn of the millennium
A fever gripped the land
It was decreed that all the women
Look like little girls again
But now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you-hoo-hoo
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Ding dong, ding dong
(Johann) When I was a boy, just a little boy
I was embarrassed by my body's changes
But then one day at the local pool
I saw a life guard with hair growing out of his anus
I was so impressed, it looked like Tom Selleck's chest
He was so proud as he towelled it down
I couldn't wait to cultivate
My very own hairy bum gown
But at the start of the millennium
Spandex gripped the land
Every back sack and crack was attacked with wax
Now I'm growing it back, a gift for you to unwrap
Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
I'm growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
I'm growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you-hoo-hoo
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Ding dong, ding dong
We'll keep each other warm at night
With our jingle bell hairy stalactites
We'll watch each other grow and grow
I'll stick to you, I'll stick to you
Like velcro
(Kate) I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
(Johann) Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
I'm growing it big, growing it thick
(Both) Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
I'm growing a downstairs beard for you
Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
I'm growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you-hoo-hoo
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Ding dong, ding dong