Even the devil was an angel 'fore he tried to rush the throne
Lord, they threw him in hell there all alone
Now he builds a castle out of the sinner's bones
You'd be angry too, if you could never go home
Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son
I done some bad things but I like to have my fun
A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell
Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves
So help yourselves now
Old man Nicodemus could not hear his heart bleed
He saw that Jesus had some tricks up his sleeve
He said "Oh man Jesus I can't do things your way
But I see you work for somebody big, so I'm backin' your play."
Old man Nicodemus, his pockets they were deep
And on the day that they decided to put Jesus to sleep
Jesus could not care for money now or any such thing
Old Nicodemus paid to have Jesus just buried like a king.
Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son
I done some bad things but I like to have my fun
A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell
Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves
So help yourselves now
Our father art in heaven hallowed be thy name
Told Noah build a boat, on the driest of days
And everybody in the neighborhood thought old Noah was insane
I guess when the waters receded now the truth was plain
Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son
I done some bad things but I like to have my fun
A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell
Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves
So help yourselves now
Moses was a great man, parted the waters of the red sea
Down the road to Egypt he made sure the slaves were free
Well he could speak to god, so they say, yes indeed
Well the noise of his voice woulda made our poor ears bleed
Moses he had an army I tell ya all his own
They stood in circles outside his very home
And when the Pharaohs got to killin' they left ol' Moses alone
But the Romans drove those nails through Jesus' bones
Well now, I ain't no preacher no preacher man's son
I done some bad things but I like to have my fun
A thousand ways to heaven, a thousand ways to hell
Well I say, the good lord helps those that help themselves
So help yourselves now