Tom: G
Introdução:
G
There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree.
G
Gussied up with candy canes and balls
G
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
G
It's "merry Christmas!" seeping through my walls
G
Now I'm no Wiccan commie or nothin'
G
But there is one damn holiday I can't stand
G
It ain't Halloween, Thanksgiving, or even April Fools
G
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man.
Chorus 1
G
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
C G
You know where to stick those jingle bells
D C
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah
G
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
C G
If I ain't kokeyed then it ain't Kwanzaa
C G
Joy to the world, Jack and Cokes
C D
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
C G
Cause I ain't never anything but broke
verse 2
G
Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
G
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
G
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
G
And those coloured lights are fucking infantile
G
I think we collectively as the people
G
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
G
"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"
G
Before we spend it all on fucking toys.
HA
G
So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
C G
You know where to stick those jingle bells
D C
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
C G
Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!
D C
If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
C G
Joy to the world of getting stoned
C G
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
C G
So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.
HA