Tom: D
Introdução:
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My show is a little bit silly and a little bit pretentious
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Like Shakespeare's willy or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on,
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It's also a little bit gay and a little offensive,
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Like Thanksgiving Day or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on,
D G
So put your cell phones to vibrate,
Bm9 A
And put your vibrators to cell phone mode,
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Welcome to the show it goes a little bit like this,
A
JOKE... (laugh)... exactly.
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Welcome to my flow it flows a little bit like this,
A
With a rap a dist and a,
D G
Swift rap on the wrist a wrap and a kiss,
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Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss shit.
D G
I got a show that'll test ya kids,
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Then ask one question and the question is,
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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Oh, Humor is often linked to shared experience,
D
Like a guy gets up and says,
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"have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers,
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Oh my god, yes I have, HA HA HA,
A D
Really good point, they should fix that,
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Its good to know that somebody finally gets me,
D G
because my wife divorced me which Sub-Consciously forced me,
Bm9 A
to lose all sense of self.
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So its nice to think about hand dryers and not that cheating whore,
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Because stand up comedy is actually pretty easy,
D G
If you're an asian comic just get up and say,
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"My mothers got the weirdest fucking accent"
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then just do, a chinese accent, because everybody laughs at the chinese accent,
D G
Because they privately thought that your people were laughable,
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And now you've given them the chance to express that in public,
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If you're a musical comic, just give 'em a little weird voice inflection
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Then take a Viagra and slap 'em with a rock hard misdirection
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
F
stop
TOURETTE'S!
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys,
D
Now I'm older and bolder,
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And just get mad 'cause i notice that the keys are to a Hummer,
D G
Fuck my life I don't fuck my wife,
Bm9 A
so fuck my wife and fuck my life,
D G
and my son is gay, but not sitcom gay,
Bm9 A
My daughter's a whore like another girl who used to be her mother,
D G
But the marriage