Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end
The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where'd you get those shoes I think there pretty lame
And would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game
(Chorus)
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife.
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you but I knew it be ok
I taped it over our old wedding video
(Chorus)
Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill
Happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill
(Chorus)
If you're a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife,
These are the things you don't say to your wife.