Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through my trials and tribulations,
And my travels ‘cross the nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar
If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight
I don’t worry that they’ll find my stash
Plastic Jesus shelters me
For His head comes off, you see
And voila, I have a secret flask
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar
When my babe and I go parkin’
Fornicating in the dark
I don’t have to think she’ll get PG
I have no worries and no cares
Because the raincoat that he wears
Serves a dual purpose, don’t you see
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He don’t slip and he don’t slide
Because his ass is magnetized
Sittin on the dashboard of my car
Riding home one foggy night,
With my honey cuddled tight,
I missed a curve and off the road we veered.
My windshield, it got smashed-up good,
And my darling graced the hood.
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin.
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling's womb.
Someday, maybe he'll be born again!
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through my trials and tribulations,
And my travels ‘cross the nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.