Pulling the ice axe from my leg, I staggered on
Spindrift stinging my remaining eye
I finally managed to reach the station
Only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down
After wondering to myself whether or not it should
Actually be called a train replacement service
I walked out onto the concourse
And noticed the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with
Probably by a junior employee.
Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM
Involving a tug-of-love custody battle;
Stockard Channing held sway.
Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots
Without due care or attention
I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette
I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly - embrace the margin.
Fat kids with sausage rolls, poor sods conducting polls.
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets.
I try to put everything into perspective,
Set it against the scale of human suffering
And I thought of the Mugabe government
And the children of the Calcutta railways
Overhead a rainbow appears - in black and white.
Shite Day, I guess this must be National Shite Day
This surely must be National Shite Day
Don't tell me it's National Shite Day.
Float, float on. Float, float on
Barry Herpes.
I got a letter from Stringy Bob
"Still on suicide watch, screws not happy.
Spotted a Marsh Fritillary during Association
Was roundly ignored; what news you?"
I felt sorry for him
He'd only been locked up for public nuisance offences
One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary
Found a dead wading bird, took it home, parcelled it up
And sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool
With a note inside which read: "Is this your Sanderling?"
Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press
"Keyboard player required - Doors, Floyd, etc.
Must be committed; no time wasters" - you can guess the rest.
I'd always imagined he would simply wander off some day into the hills
To be found months later, his carcass stripped by homeless dogs
His exposed skull a perch for the quartering crow
I folded away the letter and put it in my inside pocket
All of a sudden I felt brushed by the wings of something dark
May the Lord have mercy on Stringy Bob.
Shite Day, I do believe it's National Shite Day
It all points to National Shite Day
Someone's declared it National Shite Day.
Shite Day, my birthday on National Shite Day
No bog roll, it's National Shite Day
Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day.