I was waiting in the express lane with my twelve items or less
At the checkout counter at the local grocery store
I was only passin' by
But a paper caught my eye
And I learned a few things I never knew before
It said your pet may be an extraterrestrial
It said the ghost of Elvis is living in my den
You can learn to cope with stress
You can beat the IRS
And the incredible frog boy is on the loose again
Oh, Midnight Star
It's in the weekly Midnight Star
Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know
Eat jelly doughnuts, and lose twenty pounds a day
Hear the story of the man born without a head
And top psychics all agree
That the telephone company
Will have a brand new service that lets you talk to the dead
Oh, Midnight Star
You can believe it if you read it in the weekly Midnight Star
They're keeping Hitler's brain alive inside a jar
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know
Tell me, tell me, tell me how to make my bust-line grow
Midnight Star, I wanna know
Oh, Midnight Star
Well, don't you know that I read it, I read it in the weekly Midnight Star
The UFOs have landed, and we'll tell you where they are
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know
Midnight Star
Well, you can read all about in in the weekly Midnight Star
You can use your ESP to learn to play guitar
I wanna know, I wanna know
* = Optional chord; Not present in Weird Al's version but I think it sounds better with it on acoustic.