I sat at a bar having a beer trying to hold down the stew
When a stranger walked in, stood there beside me, and plopped down there like a fool
He started drinkin' then he started talkin' 'bout things that were wrong in his life
The more that I heard, the more I believed, the thing that was wrong was his wife
He said you talk about beauty, when we first met she was all that a man could desire
Talk about love, one night with her would set your very soul afire
But love's little flame is out of control, 'bout 3 feet high from behind
Since we've been married I've come to believe that love is of the dumb and the blind, no offense
You talk about ugly, when she gets mad, she goes from Jekyll to Hyde
She grits her teeth, then her eyes roll back, pivot from side to side
She completely rewrites the whole English language, 4-letter, descriptive and loud
Now I can't out-think her, but I can sure out-drink her, and that's what I'm doin' here now
'Cause I've spent 7 years with the wrong woman
Seven and goin' on eight
She spent 7 years naggin' and eatin'
I'm over-wrought and she's overweight
If I try leavin' she has me arrested
Takes her own sweet time gettin' me out
If she ain't number 1, she's in the top 2
Of the things I could live without
Men commit murder and all kinds of mayhem
In a few years they're back on the street
Highway robbery and white collar crime
And they laugh at the system they reap
Sometimes I'm tempted, sometimes I'm ashamed
Of the things the law will allow
I coulda killed her when I first met her
And I'd a been out of jail by now