Step right up
We bring to you the finest entertainment
And I am pleased to be your humble servant
Accept our hospitality, indulge in abnormality
Step right up
We've something here for everyone's enjoyment
I do this as a gift, not for employment
A portrait of insanity, approached with pure humanity
Come see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls
Some of them are really quite attractive as you see
Some are truly hideous, I'm sure that you'll agree
While others still look rather quite a lot like you and me
But you mustn't let them fool you, just one more rule
You shouldn't look this one too long in the eye
And that one, let's just keep walking by
These ain't no ordinary girls, and we've a steady supply
Grab another cup of tea, and follow me
To see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls
Now, has anybody any clever questions for your guide
For a penny more, go on and ask, we have nothing here to hide.
Quiet down! You, sir?
If insanity's primarily a femininish malady,
And no one's doubting that for it's a scientific fact,
Then according to the medics, are they faultier genetics?
Are they born with this disease, or is it something they contract?
It's all to do with reproductive organs
Which are naturally unstable in a dame
You see, from lunar we have lunacy and lunatic and loony
And they're always ovulating by the cycle of the moony
I have a question (shoot!)
Has any patient ever been released
Would you send her home if her bizarre behavior would decrease?
For the good of our society, they oughtn't reproduce
So while they may pretend propriety, we'll never let them loose
Come see the girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls
Some are born mad
How big is a lady's brain?
It's really very, very small, a simple thought is quite a strain
This seems just a bit inhumane
It's just a simple little shock, it doesn't cause her any pain
They're really more like animals than people
Which, as we've proven, haven't any souls at all.
The only bits that aren't inferior are bosom and posterior
And these are only useful in a seedy music hall
They don't bite, well they might
I say this one does look hungry tonight
So get your picture with an inmate
But be sure she's locked up tight
They're practically wild sir
Protect your child sir
They don't recall the taste of freedom
They're just happy if we feed them
So point and laugh, it isn't bad
They oughtn't mind because they're mad!
If you haven't got a dime, toss us your pearls
You're welcome to enjoy
Our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls
I've got a lot more words to say, but I just can't make them rhyme
So ladies, let this be a lesson to you, keep your hair uncut
Your corsets tight, your morals high
Your knitting neat, your yappers shut
This is what comes of over-educating,
mentally over-stimulating,
too much serious conversating,
organized religion-hating,
sinful over-copulating,
marriage without procreating,
girl-on-girl caught lesbiating,
she was caught while masturbating,
they all mind manipulating,
chronically hallucinating,
certainly there's no debating,
some we just find fascinating,
women's rights facilitating,
independent thought creating,
she just may be complicating,
get your money out, we're waiting
To see those
Girls!
Girls!
Girls!