Fruit Salad, Blackjacks and Marshmallow Shrimps
And Jubblies, Bazookas and Spangles and Imps
The kid in the class who spoke with a lisp
And boxes of Brocks on November the fifth
The Saturday Classified pink with the scores
Dad checking his Homes, his Aways and his Draws
Knock-down Ginger banging on doors
Does anyone remember Love-Hearts?
Tortoises sleeping in cupboards for months
And catching the chickenpox, measles and mumps
Dennis the Menace and Korky the Cat
Desperate Dan in his ten-gallon hat
Pineapple Chunks and Strawberry Pips
Kissing a girl who you love on the lips
Bottles of Tizer: all taking sips
And washing up bowls full of tadpoles.
Danger Man was terribly hip
Like 77 Sunset Strip
No Hiding Place, Dixon too
Captain Pugwash and Mister Magoo
Remember how his sight was short?
Here’s an insignificant thought:
How come the Fugitive never got caught
After all them years on the run?
And so that the barber could cut your hair
You sat on a plank on the arms of a chair.
The barber said to the grown-up men:
“Is there something you need for the coming weekend?”
“A packet of three”, they usually said
Which went completely over my head
Till I got Jennifer Lawson in bed
And I could have done with one then.
One potato, two potato, three potato, four
Five potato, six potato, seven potato more.
Palm Toffees and Scooby Doos
Reginald Bosenquet reading the news
The Animals’ “House of the Rising Sun”
The 5-minute single at Number 1
Parma Violets and Jamboree Bags
And round the bike-shed puffing at fags
Flashy cars like E-type Jags
But we only ‘ad a Cortina.
And down to the Army & Navy Store
For things that were worn in the Second World War
Duffel bags, duffel coats
Idiot mittens with string round our throats
Sooty and Sweep, Beyond Our Ken
The Michelin Man and Bill and Ben
Do you remember conkers when
You made ‘em hard in the oven?
And Flying Saucers and Liquorice Wood
William Tell and Robin Hood
The Dandy, the Beano, the Beezer as well
Bing Crosby Going Well on Shell
Putting a Tiger in your Tank
Watching “Tales of the River Bank”
Rin Tin Tin and Lassie and Hank
And Parker and Lady Penelope.
And do you remember packets of Tide
And where you were when Kennedy died?
Tiger Nuts, Sherbert Dips
Collecting cards from PG Tips
Penny Bangers and Tuppenny Chews
Elvis Presley in G.I. Blues?
Do you remember sensible shoes
And do you remember Cream Soda?
And being scared of catching the pox
And Hush Puppies and luminous socks
Next door neighbours making a noise
And what did you do with your Dinky Toys?
Swizzles, Refreshers and Cola Cubes
Remember when Zubes were good for your tubes
Girls in class developing boobs
And seeing ‘em if you was lucky.
And Double Your Money with Monica Rose
The very first record of Status Quo’s
Radio Caroline, Tom Thumb
Little Plum, Your Redskin Chum
Colonal Mustard, the Reverend Green
And whatever happened to Hope & Keen?
Remember the ad for Ovaltine
Sheriff’s badges and snake belts?
And blind dates, roller skates
And Bachelors, Senior Service and Weights
Semolina they served in school
And clothes you lost at the swimming pool
It was always the sock you managed to lose
Or, even worse, you lost one of your shoes
Going home and breaking the news
Then getting a clip round the earhole.
Remember coloured elastic bands
Sunday afternoon at your Nan’s
Nan’s were always as deaf as a post
As old as the hills and as white as a ghost
They were always talking about the war
And telling you what it was like to be poor
I couldn’t wait to get out of the door
To jump in the air and shout “Bollocks!”
And Michel Miles, Provident cheques
Remember those National Health-type specs
The boys had brown, the girls had pink
Remember those great big bottles of ink
Squints, splints and Murraymints
Knackered lighters that needed flints
Waterloo Sunset by the Kinks
And Going to Work on an Egg.
Remember the horrible ad for Tunes
And wearing flares and pairs of loons
Five stones: we called ‘em Gobs
Bootsie and Snudge and Saturday jobs
Third-pint bottles of milk
I-Spy books and Acker Bilk
Thinking your hair was as smooth as silk
When you covered it over with Brylcreme.
School milk was always warm
School straws were always torn
Tommy Cooper will always be
The man that everyone loved to see
No-one can hold a candle still
Somehow I doubt if they ever will
Thank you Tommy for sharing your skill
I’m sure Russ Abbot would join me.
These are the things that I recall
Things I remember from when I was small
You can think of your own ones an’ all
Cause I ‘ave just give yer two hundred.