Lord above, protect me from my family
Do not let them get in touch with me
For I am bound to be a kitchen porter
Sure is a convenient thing to be
I don't mind the sweating and the screaming
Gimme a room seven foot by three
For I have urgent business on the mainland
It sure is a convenient place to be
Every evening when my shift is over
Scribble around a eucalyptus tree
It may not be the stairway up to heaven
But it sure is a convenient thing to be
Do not give me 'Fair Thee Well St. Peter's Port'
Do not give me Sarnia Cherie
For I have urgent business on the mainland
It sure is a convenient place to be
Long may I smell eucalyptus
Keep those grasping hands across the sea
For I don't wish to face the inconvenience
When that urgent business catches up with me
Sure is a convenient place to be