It's amazing how pretty you looked on that night
Your skirt was so short and your top was so tight
I bought you a drink and we danced on the floor
We pulled and you came back to mine for some more
Your skirt ended up on the living room chairs
And your top and your bra, they came off on the stairs
And though you looked fit with your clothes on
Man I was a fool
Cos you look like shit, when you wear nothing at all
Oh the clothes that you wore looked a million dollars
But the body beneath, it looked just like Rik Waller's
The make-up you wear is a clever disguise
To hide your moustache and the squint in your eyes
Your cellulite's dreadful, you're covered in zits and
Your stomach's about as defined as quicksand
If I'm being honest your tits are unacceptably small
So you look like shit, when you wear nothing at all
When we went back to mine I was up for a shag
In the bedroom I realise you're a dumpy old slag
Your pubes reach your navel and they cover your thighs
Didn't know they made arses that size
When we met on that night, I could swear that I never
Would've guessed you're a female Andrew Lloyd Webber
The hair on your chest's a bit endocrinological
And you look like shit, when you wear nothing at all
Your teeth are all yellow with bloody great gaps so
Your face is a picture by Pablo Picasso
I can see that your arse has it's own gravitational pull
And you look like shit, when you wear nothing at all