And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of them crooks
Rooking the guests and cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Amadd9
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
verse 1
Master of the House, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon viveur!
Glad to do my friends a favor, doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing, ev'rything has got a little price
Master of the House, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve them of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Picking up their knick-knacks when they can't see strainght
Everybody loves a landlord, everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases Jesus, don't I bleed them in the end!
Master of the House, quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passer by to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate
Ev'rybody's boon companion
Ev'rybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises Jesus, won't I skin you to the bone!
Instrumental
Unlace yer boots and rest from the road
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Amadd9
And nothing's overlooked till I'm sa-tis-fied
verse 3
Food beyond compare, food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome, bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges plus some little extra on the side
verse 4
Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices, there are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus, it's amazing how it grows!
Master of the House, quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passer by to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate
Ev'rybody's boon companion
Give 'em everything I've got
Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus, what a sorry little lot!
Instrumental
Bridge
I used to dream that I would meet a prince.
But, God Almighty have you seen what's happened since?
Verse 5
Master of the house? Isn't worth my spit!
Comforter philosopher and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire.
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there!
What a cruel trick of nature, landed me with such a louse.
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!
Master of the house, master and a half,
comforter, philosopher. Don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!
Ev'rybody bless our landlord,
Ev'rybody bless his spouse.
Ev'rybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse!
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house
Outro