Once there was this kid who took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back, he had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when the warden whacked it so hard
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm
Once there was this girl who swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it, she saw some other girl who was better
And so she hired some guy to club her in the kneecap
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm
They got paid for their sound bites
And sold their TV movie rights
And then there was this guy who made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to, he found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it, it'd always just been there
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm
Aaaaaaahh
Aaaaaaahh
Aaaaaaahh
Aaaaaaahh