He's a serious Mister shake his hand and he'll twist your arm
With monopoly money we'll be buying the funny farm
So I'll do flips and get paid in chips from a diamond as big as the Ritz
Then I'm calling it quits
Calling it quits
Eyes the color of candy lies to cover the handicap
Though your slippers are ruby you'll be led to the booby trap
And there's no prize just a smaller size so I'm wearing the shoe til it fits
Then I'm calling it quits
Calling it quits
Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines
Lifting dialogue from Judy Collins storylines
Where get-tough girls turn into goldmines
But oh, those polaroid babies taking chances with rabies
Happy to tear me to bits
Well, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits 3x