Key:
Introduction: Am6/C E
Am6/C
Seven O'Clock in the evening
Watchin' somethin' stupid on TV
E
I'm zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me
Am6/C
And she says "is this 'Behind the Music'
With Lynard Skynard?"
E
And I say I don't know
Say, it's gettin' late, watcha wanna do for dinner?
Am6/C
She says "I kinda had a big lunch
So I'm not super hungry"
E
I said, well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either
But I could eat"
Am6/C
She said "So whadya have in mind?"
I said I don't know what about you?
E
She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat"
I said that's what we're gonna do!
Am6/C
But first you gotta tell me
What it is you're hungry for!
E
And she says "let me think,
What's left in our refrigerator?"
Am6/C
I said well, there's tuna, I know
She said "That went bad a week ago!"
E
I said is the chili okay?
She said "you finished that yesterday!"
Am6/C
I hopped up and I said
I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?
E
She's like "why would I want to eat liver?
I don't even like liver!"
Am6/C
I'm like no, I said 'delivered'
She's like "I heard you say liver!"
E
I'm like I should know what I said
She's like "whatever, I just don't want any liver!"
Am6/C
Well I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring
E
Now who could be callin' me?
Well I checked my caller ID
Am6/C
It was just cousin Larry
Callin' for the third time today
E
My wife said "Let it go to voicemail"
I said okay
Am6/C
Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
So what d'ya want to do?
E
She said "why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?"
Yeah, I said why don't you?
Am6/C
And then she said "baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
E
I says no
She says "yes"
Am6/C
I step a little bit closer
Say okay, where ya want to go?
E
She says "how about The Ivy?"
I said yeah, well I don't know
Am6/C
I don't feel like gettin all dressed up
And eatin' expensive food
E
She's says "Olive Garden?"
I say nah, I'm not in the mood
Am6/C
And Burrito King would make me gassy
There's no doubt
E
She says "Just forget about it"
I said no, I swear I'm gonna take you out!
Am6/C
Then I get an idea
I says I know what we'll do!
E
She says "What?"
I say, guess?
Am6/C
So we head out the front door
Open the garage door
E
Then I open the car doors
And we get in those car doors
Am6/C
Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways
E
Then we fasten our seat belts
As we pull out the driveway
Am6/C
Then we drive to the drive-thru
Heading off to the drive-thru
E
We're approaching the drive-thru
Getting close to the drive-thru!
Am6/C
Almost there at the drive-thru
Now we're here at the drive thru
E
Here in line at the drive-thru
Did I mention the drive-thru?
Am6/C
Well here we are
In the drive-thru line, me and her
E
Cars in front of us, cars in back of us
All just waiting to order
Am6/C
There's some idiot in a Volvo
With his brights on behind me
E
I lean out the window and scream
Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?
Am6/C
My wife says "maybe we should park
We could just go eat inside"
E
I said I'm wearin' bunny slippers
So I ain't leavin' this ride
Am6/C
Now a woman on a speaker box
Is sayin' "Can I take your order, please?"
E
I said yes indeed, you certainly can
We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese
Am6/C
Then my wife says
"Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind!
E
I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich
Instead, this time"
Am6/C
I said you always get a cheeseburger!
She says "That's not what I'm hungry for"
E
I put my head in my hands and screamed,
I don't know who you are anymore!
Am6/C
The voice on the speaker says
"I don't have all day!"
E
I said, then, take our order,
And we'll be on our way!
Am6/C
I wanna get a chicken sandwich
And I want a cheeseburger, too
E
She's like "you want onions on that?"
I'm like, yeah, I already said that I do
Am6/C
Plus we need curly fries
And don't you dare forget it!
E
And two medium root beers
No, just one, we'll split it"
Am6/C
Then I said I'm guessin' that
You're probably not too bright
E
So read me back my order
Let's make sure you got it right
Am6/C
She says "one, you want a chicken sandwich
Two, you want a cheeseburger
E
Three, curly fries, and a large root beer"
Stop, don't go no further!
Am6/C
I never ordered a large rootbeer
I said medium, not large!
E
Then she says "we're havin' a special,
I supersized you at no charge"
Am6/C
"Oh" and that's all
I could say, was "Oh"
E
And she says "now there is somethin' else
That I really think you should know
Am6/C
You can have unlimited refills
For just a quarter more"
E
I say, great, except we're in the drive thru
So what would I want that for?
Am6/C
Then she says "Wait a minute
Your voice sounds so familiar hey, is this Paul?
E
And my wife is all like "no, that ain't Paul,
Now tell me, who's this Paul?
Am6/C
She says "Oh, he's just some guy
Who goes to school with me
E
I sat behind him last year
And I copied off him in Geometry
Am6/C
I said I know a guy named Paul
He used to be my plumber
E
He was prematurely bald
And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer
Am6/C
He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe
E
And she said "Mister, please, you can stop right there,
That's way more than I needed to know!"
Am6/C
And then we both were quiet
And things got real intense
E
Then she says "next window please,
That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents"
Am6/C
So we inched ahead in line
Movin' painfully slow
E
I got a little bored
So I turned on the radio
E
Click, turned it off
Because my wife was getting a headache
Am6/C
So we both just sat there quietly
For her sake
E
Then I looked at her
And she looked back at me
Am6/C
She turned away from me
And then turned back and said "did I get it?"
E
Then she said "how about now?"
I said yeah, almost
Am6/C
Now we're at the pay window
Or whatever you call it
E
Put my hand in my pocket
I can't believe there's no wallet!
Am6/C
And the lady at the window's like,
"Well, well, well, that'll be five eighty two"
E
I turn around to my wife, and say
How much have you got on you?
Am6/C
She just rolls her eyes and says
"I'll pay for this, I guess"
E
So she reaches into her purse
And pulls out the American Express
Am6/C
I hand it to the lady
And she says "oh, dear
E
It's gotta be cash only
We don't take credit cards here"
Am6/C
I took back the card and said
Gee, really? Well that sucks
E
And that's when I found out
My wife was only carryin' three bucks
Am6/C
I said I thought you were
Going to hit the ATM today
E
She says "I never got around to it
So where's your wallet anyway?
Am6/C
And I said never mind,
Just help me to find some change
E
Now the lady at the window
Is lookin' at me kinda strange
Am6/C
And she says "Mister, please,
We gotta move this line along"
E
I said now hold your stinkin' horses lady,
We won't be long
Am6/C
So, we looked around inside the glove-box
And check the mat beneath my feet
E
I found a nickel in the ashtray
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between he seats
Am6/C
Before long I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort
E
The lady counts it up and says
"You're still about a dollar short"
Am6/C
And now my woman's got this weird look
Frozen on her face
E
She screams, "you know
I wasn't even really hungry in the first place"
Am6/C
And so I turned around
To the cashier again
E
I shrugged and said okay
Forget the chicken sandwich then
Am6/C
So I pick up my change
Pick up my receipt
E
And I drive to the pickup window
Man, I just can't wait to eat
Am6/C
And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen
E
Wearin' a dorky name tag that says
"Hello, my name is Eugene"
Am6/C
And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes
E
And I say to him, hey, Eugene,
Could I get some ketchup for my fries?
Am6/C
Well he looks at me
E
And I look at him
Am6/C
And he looks at me
E
And I look at him
Am6/C
And he looks at me
E
And I look at him
Am6/C
And he says "I'm sorry
What did you want again?"
E
I say ketchup!
And he says "oh yeah, that's right
Am6/C
I just spaced out there for a second
I'm really kind of burnt tonight"
E
And then he hands me the ketchup
And now we're finally drivin' away
Am6/C
I'm starvin' to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light
E
I say, baby, gimme that burger,
I just gotta have a bite!
Am6/C
So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger
E
And she hands me the burger
And I pick up the burger
Am6/C
And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns
E
And I just can't believe it
They forgot the onions!