Key: A
Introduction: F#m E F#m
A F#m
Pizza party at your house. I went just to check it out.
D E
Nineteen extra larges, what a shame. No one came!
A F#m
Just us eatin' all alone. You said, "Take the pizza home."
D E
No sense lettin' all this go to waste, so then I faced!
D F#m
Pizza all day and every day, cheese round the clock, it's getting me blocked.
D E
And I sure don't care for irregularity. Tell me!
F#m D E
Why'd ya have to go and make me so constipated.
F#m D E
Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated in the bathroom.
F#m D A E
I sit and I wait, and I strain, and I sweat, and I clench, and I feel the pain, oh
Bm E
Should I take a laxative or have my colon irrigated?
A
No, no, no.
A F#m
I was feeling pretty down, &lsquo til my girlfriend came around.
D E
We're just so alike in every way, I gotta say.
A F#m
In fact, I just thought I might pop the question there that night.
D E
I was kissin' her so tenderly, but woe is me!
D F#m
Who would have guessed her family crest
D E
And suddenly spied tattooed on her thigh
D E
And son of a gun it&rsquo s just like the one on me, tell me!
&emsp
F#m D E
How was I supposed to know that we were both related, believe me.
F#m D E
If I knew she was my cousin we never, never would have dated, What to do now?
F#m D A E
Should I go ahead and propose and get hitched and have kids with eleven toes and
Bm E A
Move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated? No, no, no.
A F#m
I had so much on my mind. I thought maybe I'd unwind
D E
Try out that new roller coaster ride, and the guide
F#m D A E
Said not to stand but that's a demand that I couldn't meet. I got on my feet
Bm E
And stood up instead, knocked off my head, you see. Tell me!
F#m D E
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated.
F#m D E
This really is a major inconvenience, Oh man, I really hate it. Such a drag now!
F#m D A E
I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore, I can't belch or yodel anymore
Bm E
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read sports illustrated. Oh, NO!
F#m D E
Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated?
F#m D E
I gotta tell ya life without a head kinda makes me irritated. What a bummer!
F#m D A E
I can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze, but my neck is enjoin' a pleasant breeze now
Bm E F#m
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated. No, no, no.