Wossy, in two weeks you?ll be gone
This is my last opportunity to sing you a song
So I wanna ask a favour before
You get on with your life
Jonathan, I wanna make love to you
Wossy I just wanna make sweet love to you
Just once, I wanna make sweet love to you
Sweet love to your wife
There?s just something about her
That drives me insane
She?s got that cute sense of humour
And a brilliant brain
But if I?m totally honest
My feelings for Jane
Are mostly sexual
Don?t wanna put you and her
In an awkward position
But I know I?d regret it
If I didn?t ask the question
I have talked to my wife
And she gave me permission
We both have a celebrity shag concession
And mine is Jane
Hers is Wayne Rooney
Although to be fair
There?s not much chance of scoring there
Jane, in two weeks time
Your hubby will be out on the breadline baby
And surely you?re not gonna wanna be
Spending time with a bum
I know that in a month or three
He?ll have weaselled his way back onto my TV
But in the meantime, would you consider me
For a little fun?
Just one night, Jane, would embiggen me
Just one night, baby, you?ll be diggin? me
Jonathan I?ve always admired you
I was nervous about our interview
But your producers assured me
That all I had to do
Was be totally honest with you