Tom: C
Em
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
Em
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
G
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and
Em
D
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
G
C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
Am
B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
C
D
Eb
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and
Em
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, whoa-oh
C
B
A
G
Em
Everything goes according to plan
Em
D
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
G
C
And you can't stand it
C
B
I know because you say so under your breath
C
B
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
Em
D
G
C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
C
B
Never looked better
Em
B
C
B
C
B
And you can't stand it
(play along to the piano timing changes)
Em
Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain
G
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas
B
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign
B
To them, your name is "Cheap", and you look like sh--
Em
D
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears
G
C
B
Am
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."
Am
B
C
Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table
D
Eb
C
B
C
B
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin
(Chorus)
Em
D
G
C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
C
B
Em
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Em
And I know, and I know
D
G
C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
C
B
I've never been so surreptitious
Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
(and repeat the chords)